Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think your dad took our porno
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
