I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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