I can text with my tongue
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The dick lei will go down in squad history
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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