she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
