i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
