the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
