Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
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I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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