The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
