haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
