OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
