Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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