you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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