Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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