Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
