At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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