It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
