what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think i got beer on your cat.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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