Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
