I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
