Sponge bath it is.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
