She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
