you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
