A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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