My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize