so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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