It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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