I just made out with a guy for $7.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
not ubering you a puppy
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
