just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
