so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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