I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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