How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
