Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
