She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
