he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
