what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
