I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
