We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I faked an abortion last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
