Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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