Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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