shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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