Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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