Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
