btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
