I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
