I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
