barbara walters just said penis...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
