So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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