yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
