There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This is the high leading the old right now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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