I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
