So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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