you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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