i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
