The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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