I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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