stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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