Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I want you more than these girls want KFC
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
