ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you never un-have a 4some
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
