I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
