Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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