four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
