she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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