you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize
