how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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