8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's shark week go big or go home
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
