; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
