I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
