eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
