just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
