Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The power of my boobs compel you
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
