I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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