What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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