there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
